I’m a dreamer, always have been. Sometimes I get lost in creative and vivid daydreams. Dreams of successful careers that feed my soul. A wonderful man gives me the love life worthy of a romantic comedy. Traveling the world, seeing every culture imaginable. Money is never a worry. I restore my childhood home and give my parents all they deserve. There is no anxiety about going new places or talking to new people. The Bethanie that shuts everyone out when depressed doesn’t exist. Keeping in contact with my family and friends that mean the most to me isn’t hard. I’m tired of dreaming of this life and opening my eyes and realizing it’s not real. There are many times in my day that I feel as though I have been wasting my life.
How do I become a doer not only a dreamer?
Writing this makes me feel that I’m trying to say I hate my life and I’m being a whiny baby-back-bitch, but I really do love my life. I have my health, a roof over my head, a family who accept and love me despite all that I have put them through, friends who allow me to fully be myself and love me for it, and a job full of coworkers who bring me joy daily. It may sound conceited or arrogant, but I know I have so much more potential than what I am utilizing in my day-to-day life. There are no creative challenges that I face. Everything I’m capable of isn’t showcased, except within my silly daydreams. This is no one’s doing but my own. I have created a safe and comfortable life that doesn’t scare or test me.
I usually only write when I have something I think is worth being heard. Some sort of realization or knowledge that I think will be helpful to others. But today is the opposite of that. I want advice on how to create a better version of myself. I’m admitting I have no clue wtf I’m doing. I wish I could say that I’m generally strong and independent. But for the most part I have always fell back on others to push me. I struggle to do that for myself.
The worry that my dreams are unattainable keep me from taking steps to achieve them. But now I accept that; YES MY DREAMS ARE UNREALISTIC – That’s why they are dreams. It has always been embarrassing to tell people of the life I imagine. That they will confirm it’s impossible and think I’m stupid. I’m finally accepting that yes these things are crazy and yes, unrealistic but not impossible. The best part is that I’m beginning to have faith in myself. My fear is that the self doubt and negativity will stop me from believing I can do it.
“It’s supposed to be hard. If it wasn’t hard, everyone would do it. The hard is what makes it great.” – A League of their Own
Dream Careers
- Successful podcast: This isn’t something that I have told many people. While I wasn’t the best actor in my college, my strength was in my ability to be vulnerable and open. Doing a podcast gives me the freedom to be myself while being creative, which is something I’ve be yearning for. My education has made this dream seem somewhat doable. I know how to tell a story, I understand performance, and I have some technical skills that will help me along the way. I make so many excuses on this one – too many to tell you.
- Interior Design /Own air bnbs: I want to do different design projects and own air bnbs in my favorite cities. I let myself believe I don’t have enough time, money, or knowledge to make this one real.
- Blog/social media presence: Starting this blog, was all about therapy and sharing things along my journey in the hopes of helping others. While that will never change- I would love to be more consistent with it and let my passion for writing become profitable. It’s no secret that social media isn’t my favorite thing in the world. But it would be stupid to not understand that social media has the power to grow my other passions – like the podcast and the blog.
Dream Lifestyle
- Healthy relationship with food and my body: I want to lose weight, become more active, and love my body. This I know how to do, I just need to stop making excuses and motivate myself to make it a habit.
- Travel: I want to have a life that aligns with being able to see the world. Primarily Italy- I cannot wait to go there. I’ve been teaching myself Italian and I would love to see the whole country.
My hope on sharing this is to get the push I need to make it all happen. I let myself get stressed, scared, let the feelings of selfishness, and all the other bullshit excuses stop me. After quitting with the excuses, what are the first steps in creating the best version of yourself? I would love any help and advice anyone is willing to share!!