Having a husband, children, a thriving career, a home, and (duh) multiple horses: All things I thought I would accomplish by the age of 30. Going into this milestone birthday, I beat myself up about how I “failed” because I didn’t achieve these dreams. I was running out of time. My depression and anxiety were through the roof, until I had a breakthrough… I haven’t accomplished these goals- AND THAT’S OK! I know that I will finally happy at 30 and the best is yet to come.
I’m a small-town girl… living in a lonely world… (haha I couldn’t help myself.) But seriously, I’m from a town of about 1500 people. In my mind, the perceived normal trajectory of life was to get married and have kids in your twenties. By the time you’re 30, you’re a real adult and should have everything figured out. Many individuals my age have a spouse, kids, and are completely happy and that is amazing! No shade moms and wives: you’re heroes but lordy I’m not ready! So much of my time and energy has been wasted pitying myself because I wasn’t married yet and I’m running out of time to have my own children. That was my expectation of what I would have. But now that I don’t, I’m so grateful. Not because I don’t desire that, but as I said before: I’m not ready.
In the midst of my self-pity about the death of my youth, I decided to listen to RuPaul and Michelle Visage’s podcast: What’s the Tea. They make me laugh and I needed that. What I thought would be silly lighthearted banter, was actually deep and thought-provoking conversation (while of course still being hilarious). They began discussing how their lives really started when they turned 30 and they were finally happy at 30. I clutched my pearls and knew this is what I needed to hear. After that episode, I began to examine my 20s made several realizations.
Did anyone else think the 20s would be the best years of your life? The more I thought about my upcoming 30th birthday, I became increasingly excited and frankly relieved. The end of my 20s were the end of the era with the highest-highs and lowest-lows. It was my learning era. I cared so much about what others thought of me. I struggled with staying true to myself. My inner dialogue and negative thoughts often controlled me. I was TERRIFIED to make choices I knew were best for me if that meant hurting others. I’m not saying the moment I turned 30, BOOM my life was different. I will always continue my self-assessment and strive to be the best possible version of myself. I am sure I will finally be happy at 30! In order to grow and make changes you have to be able to see it first!
Lessons from my 20s
I want to share some discoveries I made in my 20s that have set me up to have a successful future. I shifted my thinking from fear and anxiousness to hope and excitement about my upcoming birthday.
- Let go of other’s idea of who I should be: I would only make myself miserable and exhausted. Be true to who I am deep down. I also accept that my journey for my life is different from everyone else in this world. I trust that my timing is perfect, regardless of others.
- Admit when I need help. Don’t let shame or fear stop me.Telling a friend my depression was taking over me and I didn’t know what to do, literally saved my life.
- Don’t put my happiness into anyone else’s hands. If I’m looking for happiness anywhere that is outside of myself- I’m setting myself up for failure (I wrote a previous blog about this).
- Don’t let insecurities or negative thinking trick me into believing lies (I wrote another previous blog about this).
- Find my tribe and accept the love, support, and advice they provide.
- Always look be on the lookout for new learning opportunities, even in unexpected places. Podcasts, books, movies, interactions in life, listening to the experiences of others, and art have all be instrumental to my journey. Find what feeds your soul and look for growth. Never stop growing and learning.
- Attempt to master The Subtle Art of not giving a F*ck (I recommend this book by Mark Mason so highly). Here is one of my favorite excerpts: “The problem is that giving too many fucks is bad for your mental health. It causes you to dedicate your life to chasing a mirage of happiness and satisfaction. The key to a good life is not giving a fuck about more; it’s giving a fuck about less, giving a fuck about only what is true and immediate and important.”
- Trust God’s plan for my life. Listen to the cues the universe gives me to lead me to my destiny. Whatever your beliefs are, I think it’s important to listen to universe. If life hands you the same things over and over, maybe you should take a chance and listen. Or vice versa, if you attempt the same thing multiple times and have the same result, take a step back. Try to understand what that means before you more forward.
- You attract what you put into the world. Light attracts light and dark attracts dark. Light also defeats dark. How many times have you heard: “kill em with kindness”? If you put positivity into the world that will spread and defeat negativity.
- Always take care of yourself first. Be kind to myself and stop being so hard on myself. Allow myself grace and forgiveness. It’s hard to disappoint others but never EVER let the fear of that stop you from what is best for you. No one will ever have your back like you will.
There are so many lessons I have learned in my twenties but I find those listed especially helpful. They didn’t come easily and I still struggle with many. The past has given me a strong foundation to build a life a love. My struggles have blessed me with the strength to do so. Bring on 30… I’m ready! I know I will finally be happy at 30!
