“Some People aren’t all they POST to be” – unknown
Hi my name is Bethanie, and I fuck up my life. Affirming who and what I am feels nice. I screw things up, it’s just a part of who I am. Do these fuck-ups happen for a reason?… Maybe? I used to feel immense amounts of shame about the mistakes I have made. I thought everyone my age has their lives’ together. Why is my life a shit-show, while I’m seeing nothing but picture-perfect lives around me? It was time to focus on MY life and be the best Bethanie I can be. I need to remind myself that social media isn’t reality.
My mental health decline was in large, influenced by social media and the perceptions I made from the content. It’s enjoyable to share the shiny parts of your life through Facebook or Instagram. But in reality- Is your life really that flawless? Do you not find yourself anxious or overwhelmed? What sacrifices did you have to make for that life? I’m not saying it’s wrong to share your joys and accomplishments- (good on ya for being awesome). But why do so many only share the positives? Well duh, why would I want to talk about the cluster-fuck that is my life? I don’t want to acknowledge how screwed up I am, let alone tell others.
Posting the perfect photo on Instagram that I know will flood in the likes always makes me feel valuable… I’d be lying if I said people applauding me didn’t make me feel better. It fools you for a little bit that you actually are living that ideal life. Wanting to feel liked and important is human nature and it’s ok. But I feel like it can become dangerous in several ways, for example: I have listed some triggers for my mental health.
Dangers of Social Media
- TELLING OURSELVES WE HAVE TO BE PERFECT. Receiving approval and praise from the distorted life we create on social media makes us feel we should only project the good parts. Sometimes I feel the pressure to show people that I have my life together and prove I’m happy, ESPECIALLY when those things aren’t true.
- DENIAL ABOUT OUR REALITY. Many become enthralled in their perceived life online rather than their actual life at times. You know when people say if you tell so many lies, even you start to believe them? – It’s kind of like that. I’m not saying that you’re “lying” about your life, necessarily. But if we post how ideal everything is, you might push the negatives and hardships from your mind. Then when the inevitable time comes when we have to face the adversity, it hits you harder than ever.
- PROJECTING A GLOSSED-OVER LIFE TO YOUR FOLLOWERS. How many times have we looked at a social media influencer or celebrity’s Instagram and wish your life was as glamourous as theirs? But these individuals have the same worries/fears/problems as all us of us. When we click the post button, we don’t think about others. I’m not the only person who has chosen to delete or deactivate their accounts to prevent ourselves from looking at posts detrimental to our mental health. I’m not saying you shouldn’t post about the good things in your life in fear of rubbing it in to others. You should be proud of the life you have created. I just think people should be aware of what they are advertising. Be honest with yourself and others.
If we were to share a realistic look at our lives, the positives would shine even brighter. When you only post your “perfect life” it doesn’t show the journey to get there. The beauty is in the struggle and work it took to accomplish your goals.
The Pursuit of Happyness is a movie about a man, Chris Gardner who overcame his homelessness to go on to become a successful stock broker…. The movie wouldn’t be as impactful if it presented him as a stock broker who was living his best life throughout the entire film. The element that makes his story so inspiring is how he created a better life for himself and his son. Today, his estimated net worth is 60 million dollars. But what really moved us was seeing him sleeping in the subway bathroom with his son and his fight to win that job despite incredible obstacles. It was the journey that gave us hope and strength within our own lives rather than the destination.
I’m not saying you have to share your entire life on social media. But just understand that the “perfect” social media life isn’t as impeccable as it seems. Social media isn’t reality. The cutest couple with the perfect kids may have struggled to get pregnant. The successful business owner may have failed several times and been flat broke while trying to build their company. Everyone has the same fears and problems. Don’t let the profiles of others become detrimental to your mental health. You don’t know what is really going on behind their smart phone. Believe me, I know it’s hard not to compare ourselves and our lives with others, but if you keep reminding yourself it becomes easier. And again, remind yourself SOCIAL MEDIA ISN’T REALITY!
Right now, I am up to my neck in shittiness. I don’t have a boyfriend or family of my own and my heart is still healing from a huge loss. There is no dream career I go to everyday. I worry these “failures” are so drastic that no one will fall in love with me or want to spend their life with me. I’m not sharing to elicit pity; I accept the responsibility to fix my mistakes and while trying to forgive myself for making them. I’m actively making steps to improve my life. While I’m not where I want to be right now, one day I will be. Now you know my obstacles. When I can finally post how these things are improving and getting easier to deal with, I believe people will be happier for me than if I were to only to share the successes.
Guys, life is hard enough. Lets not make it harder for one another lets choose to be kind and empathetic. Stop assuming someone’s life is flawless based on what they post online. Remember, that is the life they created behind the filter of social media. SOCIAL MEDIA ISN’T REALITY, therefore don’t compare your journey with anyone else. In spite of the hardships, take those steps to overcome them. Be your own hero. Believe you are strong. Ask for help when you need it. Lastly, DON’T BE ASHAMED!
Rachelle says
Hell yes girly!! You!
bethaniemillion says
Thanks girl!!! Love you!!!